Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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