Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
