Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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