I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize