I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
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Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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