i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
