Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
