My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.