That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.