I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
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So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before