Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?