My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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