bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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