I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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