Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
