I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
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is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
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Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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