dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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