he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
