yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
