Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
