So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
