Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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