I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
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Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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