Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
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Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Two words: blizzard sex
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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