meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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