Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
