Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
