Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
