I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
this hospital has no fireball
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
