We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
