I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I look better un-naked...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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