my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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