I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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