I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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