cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
