dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
