I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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