I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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