In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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