and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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