Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The best revenge is premature balding
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
