Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
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There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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