hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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