Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
