How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
