There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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