I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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