I'm jealous of your bromance
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
