By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize