whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
