This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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