We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
