you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
