I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
